Sex Position of the Week: Bridge the Gap

This week’s sex position was inspired by The 8th Day.  A phallus free version of this position is preformed by Bree Olson, Tori Black and Poppy Morgan.

Bridge the Gap

Bridge the Gap

In order for this position to be a success, the partner with the willing orifice needs to have a flexible back and relatively strong appendages.  They should assume a standard backbend position.  One phallused partner penetrates the mouth while the other enters an orifice in the nether region.  Thrusting should be kept to a minimum in order to avoid back injuries.

Want to be the phallused partner but don’t have a penis? No problem. That’s what strap-ons are for.

Having trouble achieving an adequate level of lubrication in your willing orifice? Lube it up!

Not interested in procreating or contracting embarrassing diseases? Wrap it up!

Women Watching Porn: The 8th Day Pt 1

The 8th Day – A Review by Lilith and Allison pt 1

It’s always awkward to watch porn with a friend, especially your heterosexual coworker, but whatever, college frat boys can do it, so Lilith & I can do it too. 🙂 I’d noticed that there was a big lack of explanation about this movie, so I thought it’d be best to get someone to watch the thing and explain to you guys why, in fact, this is the most awesome Adam & Eve Pictures DVD this year. (Also, it’s gonna be available on Blu Ray in September, so watch out for that)

Anyway, this movie turned out to be a lot better than I had expectations for. There’s all kinds of kinky sex, hot sex, interracial sex, boring sex, group sex, and non-sex. There’s a really decent story line, believable and kept me intrigued. Over and over again, Lilith & I talked about the high quality of the feature and it’s actors. I almost want to say this was a spoof of the Sci-Fi genre entirely, but I don’t watch a lot of Sci-Fi stuff, except shows like Fringe and Eureka, so I might not be the best person to tell you that this is a good spoof. I’ll let Lilith explain that.

Now, I bring you, the conversation that Lilith and I had during the watching of The 8th Day:

L: What a fancy root menu.

A: I like how in movies people frozen in a cryogenic state come out looking beautiful. Shouldn’t her pubic hair be really long?

A: Perfect brain & muscle functioning too.

L: Kayden Kross has very nice fake boobs.

A: Nice, what’s the first thing you’d do after being in suspended animation for years…let’s do it!

A: Three men locked in a room to watch over her. I bet they were having gay orgies all these years.

L: In the future men wear plastic loincloths, that’s fantastic.

A: Kayden does have a really nice body.

L: Tommy Gunn stop playing with your meat so we can see it.

A: I think he’s uncut. Isn’t it?

A: Was that a real orgasm?

L: You think if she was faking it she’d make a more pleasant face.

A: I really like Tommy Gunn. He knows what he’s doing.

A: How do you think this would be if they all used condoms?

L: I’d be okay with it. I figure once everyone started using condoms we’d all get used to it.

L: I’m glad Kayden’s not overly fake. I hate it when the girls make “o” noises when they’re sucking some dude’s dick. You know they aren’t enjoying it that much.

A & L: Ew…what was that? Why is he vomiting from the mouth?

L: I think that would have been best left for after the sex scene.

A: I really want him to come.

L: Wrap it up B.

A: I think there should be some gay sex in this too. That’d be awesome.

L: Like Brave New World – everyone’s having sex with everyone.

L: I think I get what’s happening. She’s really having sex with some gross thing but we’re seeing her euphoric interpretation of that.

A: Ah, you’re good at this Sci-Fi thing.

A: Are they all dead?

L: Or they fought themselves into submission.

A: Why didn’t they give her pants to wear in the future?

A: Oh, no, we’re watching her pee. Was that necessary?

L: I don’t know why that was essential to the storyline.

A: I don’t know why she had to wipe with her hand. Drip dry!

L: Ooh, look at the CG grass and the skeleton.

A: Well, I figured the skeleton wasn’t real, but the grass looks pretty good.

A: This looks like a Myst scene.

L: I think those S&M people are gonna have sex and Kayden’s gonna watch.

A: She’s a Mistress? What Mistress goes down on her slave boy first?

L: No, slave boy does the work first. If he does it well, he gets rewarded.

A: I think the movie is better generally without the sex. Then again, I’m not really paying attention, are you?

L: No.

L:  The kinky people have been doing this forever, and where’s the Asian slave girl?

A: She’s like that third guy in the icky alien scene from earlier.

A: I think the dick bounce is the most amazing thing guys can do. Gives me penis envy.

A: I’m getting a little nervous with all of the noises. Run away, Kayden, run away!

L: That’s an efficient way to tell time.

A: Tyler Knight looks good with a mohawk

L: I like dreads on guys.

A: Oh look, it’s the “o” noises.

L: Most porn star sex is like “you’re paying me money so I’m gonna stick my penis in here” but occasionally you see it when the actors really are into what they’re doing. That’s always hot.

A: Pick an end Tyler, pick an end.

L: I think we’re about to see the lesbian three way in the desert.

A: I count two.

L: No it’s with Bree Olson and the Cat Chicks.

A: Oh, the backbend scene from the cover of the DVD?

L: Yeah.

A: What’s with the cat noises?

L: Why are they wearing shoes?

A: I told you people are naked in the future except for shoes.

A: Oh OH – Look! Two mouths, one pussy.

L: Lesbian porn bores the shit out of me. Most of it is two girls, one gets off and switch. And some of them don’t even fake it well.

A: Bree’ll get off. She always gets off.

A: I don’t even know who these girls are.

L: That’s Tori Black, but I don’t know the upside down girl is.

A: Are we supposed to believe the body paint is body paint or if it’s embedded into their skin?

L: I don’t know. But Kayden’s liking it.

L: This is what they’d say if they were speaking English….”My vagina!”

A: Or – “Get off that, I wanna suck the pussy!”

L: Here’s the wood dildo. I wish we carried these on the site.

A: I think they were going to, but they were worried our customers would fear the splinters.

L: I can’t believe it’s been 2 hours already.

A: Really?

A: Aww, we gotta change discs?

INTERMISSION

The 8th Day XXX DVD

The 8th Day XXX DVD

Don’t worry! Lilith will be posting part 2 of our review shortly.

Sex Position of the Week: Sofa Sex

This week’s position is fantastic for woman who enjoy clitoral stimulation during sex (and really, what woman doesn’t?).  It’s also great for multitasking sex and television watching.

Sofa Sex

Sofa Sex

The position is achieved when the phallused partner sits on a sofa in the regular, upright position.   The Partner with the willing, well lubricated orifice mounts the phallus in such a way that both partners are facing each other. The partners can now kiss, grind, and bounce until satisfied.

Want to be the phallused partner but don’t have a penis? No problem. That’s what strap-ons are for.

Having trouble achieving an adequate level of lubrication in your willing orifice? Lube it up!

Not interested in procreating or contracting embarrassing diseases? Wrap it up!

5 Tips on How to Have Sex with a Bad Back

Carmen Luvana in Eden

Carmen Luvana in Eden

So, if you follow me on Twitter you probably know that I have a bad back. A few years back I threw my back out, doing nothing very interesting, and now I remember it every time I have sex. Well, not every time, but about half of the time, and now I have to go to the chiropractor after every really good romp in the sack. And well, I think maybe because I work here or maybe it’s just in my DNA, but I’m very open about my life and now I want to share with you some tips I’ve learned from various PTs and chiropractors and Internet searches on how to get some good sex without breaking your back.

Quick note: My back problem is a herniation of my L5, which is very common for those of us with desk jobs. These suggestions can help, but they are not a guarantee and I take no responsibility if you try or don’t try any of these positions and they make your sex life or back worse. However if things go good, that was all me. 🙂

  1. First off, stay relaxed. Being tight in the back will strain your muscles and possibly re-injure your back. In all of these positions, remember to stay relaxed. Okay?
  2. If the missionary position hurts, try using a pillow or inflatable sex toy up under the curve of your back. This will arch your back more and take off some of the stress. In general, most positions that arch your back are good.
  3. The position where the person with the bad back is laying with her knees by her ears is a bad position. Positions where the back is stretched out will be the worst for a person with a herniated disk. This also includes Doggy Style, however, if you arch your back and don’t bend over a whole bunch, this position can be really, really satisfying!
  4. If cowgirl hurts, try leaning forward on your arms & elbows and riding that way.  Bouncing can compress your disks and cause more pain, the forward lean and rock motion helps relieve the pressure.
  5. And a position I have never tried, but About.com recommends, lying on your stomach. I would feel like a dead fish in bed doing this, but I imagine there’s a way to make it sexy. Try it out, let me know.

So there you go. These are just some of the tips that I’ve learned in the course of my back recovery, because believe me, I know back pain is some of the worst pain there is out there. I hope this helps!

Have fun sexing!

Sex Position of the Week: No Time To Waste

This week’s sex position is ideal for those times when you absolutely must have sex right now.

Sex Position of the Week: No Time To Waste

This position is super easy.  If both partners are wearing easily accessible clothing, it can be entered into and exited from in a matter of seconds.  The partner with the ready and willing orifice stands with their back to the phallus.  The phallused partner penetrates the orifice from behind in a standing position and thrusts until climax in achieved.  Easy as pie.

Want to be the phallused partner but don’t have a penis? No problem. That’s what strap-ons are for.

Having trouble achieving an adequate level of lubrication in your willing orifice? Lube it up!

Not interested in procreating or contracting embarrassing diseases? Wrap it up!

How to Have Sex in a (Public) Bathroom

Over the weekend I heard a great story from a friend about people having sex in the bar’s bathroom. It goes like this:

She was at the bar, it was early-ish, definitely not 11pm yet. My friend heads to the bathroom and there’s a couple outside of it and tell her she probably doesn’t want to go in there. “The toilet is fine, but the bathroom is pretty much not usable.” So my friend opens the door and there’s the bathroom sink in a million pieces on the floor.The couple was charged for a replacement sink and they’ve never been seen in the bar again (according to the bar staff).

Obviously this horny couple didn’t know the basics of How to Have Sex in a Public Bathroom. Or any bathroom really, because that story was followed up with a different friend catching his friends trying to fuck in his bathroom and they dislocated his bathroom sink too.

So here are some key tips on how to have bathroom sex:

1. The sink is the weakest structure in the bathroom – unless it’s got a cabinet with it. But even then the actual sink is a very weak prop. (I heard this from the HGTV channel, so you know it’s true.)

2. If the bathroom has handicap rails by the toilet, use those. They are meant to carry the weight of someone. Feet and hands can be used to prop you up on those.

3. If there are no handicap rails, try to prop yourself in the stall – feet on one wall, back against the other, your partner holding you up too. I mean, you shouldn’t have to do all the work. If you can’t keep yourself up, put a foot on the toilet. It may be nasty, but let’s face it, you’re trying to have sex in a place where people pee and poo, and occasionally throw up.

So phallused partner should pick up and hold the orificed partner up against a wall or cubicle stall. The orificed partner should attempt to keep themselves propped up by said tips above, and position the orifice for penetration. Phallused partner should assist the orificed partner with the repetitive penetration until orgasm is reached or someone comes into the bathroom to interrupt you. (I’m no Lilith, but I think that was a fairly good description.)

Enjoy! And remember safe sex is the best sex, especially when you’re drunk at a bar.

*Please check your local laws before having sex in public. I believe it might be illegal in some places.

Sex Position of the Week: Downward Facing Doggy

This week’s sex position was inspired by my morning workout.

Downward Facing Doggy is achieved when the partner with a willing orifice assumes the classic yoga pose “Downward Facing Dog”.  If you’re not familiar with this pose, refer to the Yoga Journal.  The legs will need to be a bit farther apart than normal in order to facilitate penetration.  The phallused partner penetrates the orifice from behind while in a standing position.  Copulation proceeds until orgasm is achieved.  The phallused partner can do the reach around during this act in order to maximize stimulation.

Want to be the phallused partner but don’t have a penis? No problem. That’s what strap-ons are for.

Having trouble achieving an adequate level of lubrication in your willing orifice? Lube it up!

Not interested in procreating or contracting embarrassing diseases? Wrap it up!